Dear Anjelica,

There's a lot to say to you, but the more I say, the more I know it will hurt you. I know it was a good thing for your family to take care of me that week of Thanksgiving break, but you, you were a totally different person than when we started being sisters. You see, you didn't even talk to me when I kept trying to get you to talk to me; you would just ignore my attempts and go on texting your boyfriend. He's become your whole LIFE, and it's bad. He made you cry while I was there, and you wouldn't even talk to me about it, when I sat there, and I told you I would refuse to leave until you said something, but you just got up and left. When normally, you wouldn't do that.
Thanksgiving dinner, you didn't smile in the pictures, you didn't stay downstairs with your family, when normally, no matter what, no matter how tired, or how sad you were, you would be down there with us. You magically disappeared at church when normally you would drag me around with you. We spent a WHOLE Saturday in different rooms, while you were texting, and I just layed there thinking of what I could possibly say to how you were acting. You're nonstop about him, I wanted to grab your phone, and throw it at the wall. I want you to understand what your parents have been seeing in you, because I see the same thing now.
You're scared of your boyfriend, and I'm not going to sit around and let that continue. You fear making him mad, or not replying to him. You're stuck on him like glue, it's unhealthy. If you don't do something about it soon, I'm going to have to, and if I take a hold of things, you're going to hate me forever, but I won't let this continue. You've turned into a person you would normally hate yourself.
During my stay with your family, I felt as if you hated me, resented the fact that I was there, but magically, you were alright when Jenny and Janel came, and that was a major burn towards me.
It's your choice to keep in your relationship or not, I know. But I swear, if he makes a horrible move, and you don't tell me about it, I'll do something. You keep things from me now Anjelica, when before we had all those story times and whatever, but nah, sisterpants means shit to you now. All it is to you now is Cris and resenting your parents. You've lost that creative and lovely side of you that could see the bigger picture, but now it seems you even put yourself behind, and you now only want what Cris wants. If I'm wrong, than you're going to have to prove me wrong, because of now, I don't see it.

things I miss and like

I miss and/or like:
- myspace
- webcamming with josh for hours at night
- josh playing/singing me songs
- mike playing/singing me songs
- watching nawin light brian's hair on fire
- late nights on the phone with cody
- texting all day and night
- my macbook pro
- watching tv, even though i only have local channels
- standing in front of the lockers until there was 2 minutes to get to class
- walking to aloha
- eating at aloha
- summer days at anjelica's house
- leaving anjelica's house the next day
- having to be taken home by randolph
- laughing at him for stealing a cookie
- singing songs
- dancing
- listening to people play guitar
- making new friends
- getting boba with carmina and her brother
- running into old friends at target

this list goes on forever :/

Today

Today was great :]

I feel better.

Happy, smiling, all that good jazz :D


Richard Gonzales, I will miss you. The smiles you could always bring to people's faces, the laughter, and the joy.

You got me thinking Rj, I should live my life happily. Thank you so much. I pray for your family, and for your friends, and I know you've touched so many lives.

Love you. Miss you.

About me.

Hi, I'm Ashley. I'm a freshman at Walnut. I'm a complicated person, and something's always bugging me. I know I act like a btch, but when I try to change it, nobody notices, so I just go back to where I started.

I want to go places in life, but don't we all? I'm a clean kid, no drugs, no alcohol, no smoking, none of that shiet has a place in my life. I live like a kid in college. I deal with things most teens don't have to deal with, but I'm living through it. I'm hella self-conscious, and being made fun of all day and everyday doesn't help it. Tell me to change how self-conscious I am, doesn't do SHIET, things are easier said than done.

I'm getting really tired and annoyed of how people are changing, but I also know that's who they are, and that's not something I can change. I leave a lot of important things unsaid, because every time I say what's on my mind, I get either no response, or one that hurts or just pisses me off. I blabber about nonsense a lot, so you might not want to get me started down that path. I know how to set my priorities, but I tend to put others before myself.

I want things to be different, I want me to be different. I want people to understand, I want to be confident. I want to be able to stand tall and proud. I want things, I want them to happen, I want but I can't have everything I want. But I can try.

Things about me contradict like heck. But yeah, this is just a tiny bit of who I am.

Is it worth it?

I don't even know ._.

I got up the guts to tell this guy something yesterday :/ and then he had no idea what to say. So I guess me and him are really both wasting our time liking each other. Cause nothing's going to happen. But I guess that's for the better? Trying to see the light in it (:

I don't know if what I'm doing is worth it. This going for more than just one case. English is bugging me so much, no joke. Computers is too. My teacher is so stupid, I have a feeling he's going to give me hell the rest of the year.

I hope I can keep up my GPA, or even make it BETTER. Gotta be more, determined, hard-working, focused, I have no idea, I just need to bring up my English, and maintain all my other grades, or it's going to be really sad news when the semester ends :/

Birthday countdown: 3 WEEKS. Dang, then I'm finally fifteen, time is flying!

The past two days of school weren't too bad, sorta.. Boring and long/short though. I guess daylight savings does change people.

OH, AND I KEEP HAVING REALLY WEIRD DREAMS :/ and I don't think I should've said anything last night, don't want things to be all awkward and crap, but but we shall see!

You make me wanna dance (:

Okay, so I've been pretty preoccupied with school :/ and I really need to bring up my English grade! D: But other than that, 5 A's :)

Schools been going well, somedays I still get frustrated with it. I am losing my social life because I never have a ride anywhere :/

I went to the Americana last night :D the pasta smelled like bacon, yum! Then I bought some stuff at H&M, and it's making me feel GUILTY. But at least I'm not a shop-a-holic :)

Some people really have problems understanding, but I guess you can't expect them to, but it's just.. You don't want to explain it to them, cause they'll think differently of you? I have no idea how to explain it D:

I have really bad issues sleeping, I'm always waking up in the middle of the night, or really really early, like 5am. Geez, stupid sleeping pattern ):

Last week of 8th grade.

AMAZING.

That boy whose words meant so much to me the last couple days (: makes me smile when I think about it.

Knotts with the whole 8th grade class, going on the Log Ride 293849234 times, and then the Big Foot Rapids. Funnel cake and Panda Express, yum.

The best friends going to my promotion, it meant the world to me. Hanging out at my house after promotion, going to Dennys. I wish I could relive it. Even though not the whole day was good, I want to relive it.

After promotion I looked through my yearbook, and I cried :/ But, we live on anyways, and I'm just glad those memories of middle school are already made. I wish I could remember them forever. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. Only time can tell.

It's been a while.

I totally forgot about blogging x] hahaha. This week was.. Not that great.

Found out I have a C+ in English, and that's the second to lowest grade in my class! Every night has been filled with so much homework, it's stressing me out :/ Fought with my best friend, again! ._. Started to break out really badly.

I don't go out anymore. Friday was the first time I did anything in a while. We went to Aloha for some food, then hung out in Vons until 6:20. We got our blood pressure tested (: hahaha. Don't even ask D:<>

Then we got Kristie's dad to pick us up, and take us to Nawin's. They were restringing Nawin's guitar, and then Kristie, Nawin, and I got into some really weird conversation, but I guess you learn something new everyday. Then the chicken came after 10 because Nawin's dad went to go get it since we were hungry x] But I left after eating a drumstick, yum. KFC (:

So yeah, apparently Kristie, Michelle, and I are gonna dress differently everyday sometime, some week.

I freaking dressed like a PREP Friday, cause I felt like it. According to Kristie, I look different like that.

Kbye (:

Crazy.

I haven't stepped outside of my house since I got home at like.. 3:30pm on Friday. I was fine with it, but today it's really bugging me. I had a bunch of different plans, but then they all got canceled ._. I seriously hope tomorrow works out :/

I've been reading Picture Bride, I'm really surprised I've actually been READING. It's quite astonishing x] Hahaha, a big word. It's weird, I haven't been able to find a song I really like :/ I need some new really good songs to listen to. I'm tired of all the ones I have in my itunes/ipod now. I don't know what's up.

Tsk tsk.

Good sleep.

I talked to my best friend until 2am online.

Then I had a nice sleep. That is.. until my stupid alarm woke me up, when it's set just to ring on school days :/ Then I thought that it was Friday, AGAIN. Til I thought back to what happened yesterday, and I was like "it couldn't of been all a dream", so I just turned off my alarm and went back to sleep (:

What a lonely day x] might go to some little kid's birthday later today. Chuck E Cheese, or something like that.

A lot of progress was made yesterday? Ha.

"I'm in trouble"

Did you know, I've been thinking of the things that hurt me the most.

If you bring up my hopes, and you drop them, I never seem to see you the same way again.

Trust is one of the most important aspects of life; I don't who to trust anymore. Something always seems to go wrong, but maybe that's just because I pick out all the bad things. Promises meant the world to me; it bugs me so much when someone can't keep even the smallest of promises. This goes for so many people, seriously.

Another thing, it's so stupid when someone tries to get another person to stop being friends with me. It's taking advantage of that person, and it's much beyond pointless. People are so easily persuaded, that's how the mind was structured. We're influenced so easily by so many different things. It's none of your business whether or not they talk to me, get a reality check.

Just because I call someone "sort of cute" doesn't mean I like them. It freaking bugs me SO much. It is exactly the reason why I never call anyone cute, I say it to myself. If I can't tell someone I think some guy is cute, I'm sure as heck never going to say who I like.

"I'm in trouble, I'm an addict, I'm addicted to this [guy], [he's] got my heart tied in a knot, and my stomach in a whirl"

So, my week went by nicely, pretty much.

-Did an okay job on my English poetry book.

-Got an A on my bio test.

-Have the highest grade in my geometry class.

-Got closer to my best friend.

-Finished all my Spanish work super early, everyday.

-Drama is dying down.

-Hardly went out.

-Actually attempted to finish my homework every night.

-English teacher and Bio teacher were lenient.

For the first time.

For the first time, I went to Target, and DIDN'T run into anybody I knew (: but then again, I didn't want to look around, and I hurried to the "Photo center" and ran to the car. Oh yeah, I'm cool. Today, I totally pulled a "nerd status" in Spanish, got all my work stamped, and blah blah blah. Got called an "over-achiever".

For some reason, I have an A in geometry, I'm proud of myself, somewhat. Biology is gay ._. I hope I'm doing better in it though. Shooting for an A- by the end of the semester (: let's see if I can make that happen. Hopefully I'll have at least 3 A's by the end of the semester.

The drama stuff is finally beginning to cool down, but some people are just seriously immature. I'm still suffering from insomnia, but if it actually can be called insomnia, then it is definitely just a mild case of it.

Gah, I'm going to return my dad's camera soon ): Maybe after this weekend! :D I love using it, it's freaking amazing, but retarded at the same time. Hehe.

Okay, goodnight!

It's only in SoCal

It's only in SoCal you can have all four seasons in just a week. So it was pouring, and we all got soaked, then half an hour later, it's freaking bright and sunny outside!

So.. Today was pretty weird. I can't even remember most of it, or any of it to be honest.

I did my English homework, and most of my math homework. Well, apparently, I'm not quite done with my English homework. So I guess I'll be staying up and doing that tonight.

Babe, I'm out in Irvine

&&; I'm becoming a flirt?!

Dang, I would've never seen that coming :/ It's a weird thought.

So yesterday was an alright day, not too bad, not too great. Got really really really soaked. Watched Nawin and Lawrence see who could stand out in the pouring rain longest, without a jacket, so they were just in their t-shirts. Funny, but sad. Some guys are such immature jerks.

I went to Michael's after school with my aunt, cause she picked me up from school. Then she took me to go get boba (: and it was delicious. After that, I want home, and just did whatever until 9:20 when my sister said she was gonna pick me up. So she picks me up at like 10:20, we go to my dad's to pick up his camera, and I've been addicted to it ever since. But I'm just borrowing it ): and it's 4+ years old x] Stupid dad gave away all his old professional cameras ._.

So I've been out in Irvine since last night. Went to the Irvine Spectrum, then to Trader Joe's, got In-N-Out, and back to the apartment. After eating, we went to Laguna Beach, then Newport Beach, passed by Fashion Island. Went to South Coast. Blah blah blah. Took a million pictures all day, lovely, isn't it? (: I believe I am going home tomorrow, and I really REALLY need to do my English hw :x

"I hope this is all you wanted"

Haha. Title came from the part of the song I just heard (:

So today, I dressed all weird to school, because my cousin came to pick me up way earlier than he usually does :/ so I had to run around the house and get dressed.

Mmmm, the best part of my day was this one guy :]

I did not wear a jacket to school, cause I ran out of the house too fast to grab one, which was a really bad idea. But I didn't mind the rain too much. I got really soaked though.

My English teacher is really.. Bleh. But after I talked to her for a while, she's letting me use my own photography for my poetry book (: which I am extremely glad about, because if I hand drew everything, then I'd be so screwed.

Last night, I was thinking about things I wanted to say to many different people. But I won't say it, because it'll make the relationship between me and them so bad, well some of them it'll be the same. I'm going to start trying to keep more things in my head.

It's raining really hard outside, and the sliding door is open for some odd reason. So the breeze is coming in, and I'm in shorts and a t-shirt D:

Well, now to START and hopefully FINISH my homework. Yeee, I got out of presenting my biology project today! :DD I'm so happy. But then again, I have a biology test tomorrow :/ We'll see how well I do on that.

My Day.

I barely finished my bio project :x

My mom left to the airport.

I went to school after lunch ended.

I'm extremely tired.

I did not talk to my best friend.

AyeJay is my Valentine (; Hahah. Cause we're oh so lame.

I made Nawin think about the past.

He made me think of the past too.

I got a lot of bio work done.

I haven't started my study guide and it's due on Friday :/

I have to break my procrastination habits.

Music is becoming a greater part of my day.

I text less.

I've seriously been taking naps everyday.

I forget to sign out of myspace, so it just sits there.

I don't believe I like anyone anymore.

This wasn't really even about my day x]

The more I talk to my sister, the more I notice how annoying I am.

Drama is annoying.

Will there ever be a year where I DON'T lose my best friends? Or is that just how it's supposed to be? I'm learning new lessons everyday. I'm learning more and more about different people everyday. I drift from some, and get close to others. So I guess it's the price I pay.

Life.

ashley tran .

things change.

Nawinshere

like songs

Nawinshere

or

Nawinshere

socks

Nawinshere

you change em every day

ashley tran .

and sometimes socks get holes in them

ashley tran .

and songs get old

So true :/ Stupid Nawin got me thinking about the past. Seriously, you really never know what you had, til it's gone.

Oh, and I am currently procrastinating like crazy.

Feeling:

-Replaced.

-Okay.

-Annoying.

-Lazy.

-Bored.

-Full.

-Better.

I wrote a really stupid poem where I compared life to music.

Well babe, I’ll tell you

Life is music

It’s more than just noise

It won’t always be on the same song

The beats are different

The genre changes

Music is different

But we all find our own style

I found that style

And sometimes you run into kinds you don’t like

But you either play through it

Or you skip it

Life is music

My English teacher has seriously ruined poem writing for me. Even though I didn't really like it til we got started writing them this year, she ruined it. I can't seem to write anything GOOD, or that she won't cross out this and that and blah blah blah.

Move move if you Wanna.

Dang that song is so catchy. So Monday we choreographed to that song, and it's been stuck in my head ever since. I am hoping to make dancing one of my hobbies (:

I went to my dad's on Monday, and I think he's gonna give me the Nokia N95. Wooot?

Tuesday was Chinese New Year. I was in a really bad mood, but then my best friend turned that around.

&&; today I saw my best friend. But I just gave him a hug and said bye. I saw "Stan the Man" the friggen nerd with a 4.1. Things have changed so much, people look so different, it's crazy. I'm missing out man, but then if I wasn't at Walnut, I'd be missing out on so much more.

I'm beginning to develop some really good habits, and attempting to break my old ones. I'm beginning to read more, and I do my homework more often now (: and I start earlier, cause I am awesome!

My grades still suck though ): hopefully that'll change by the end of the new semester. I still really want to transfer out of Walnut after this year, I just don't think it's worth the hassle.

What if.

What if I had never taken piano?

What if I had given up my whole life?

What if my parents had never gotten a divorce?

What if my dad, wasn't my dad?

What if I had been handed everything I wanted?

What if my family and I were actually close?

What if they actually understood?

Would I not be into music?

Would I be happier?

Would life be better?

Would I be a better person?

Would I have wanted things to be how they are now?

Would I be those people I despise?

Would I enjoy things more?

Would I really be happier?

What if questions always ponder in my mind, they never seem to go away. It's both good, and bad. You think about things you should be grateful for, then you think about things that aren't so great, and you learn to face reality.

Or maybe I'm not facing reality. I actually can't tell really at this point.

People, they tell you not to care, they tell you things, but they don't realize how impossible it is to follow their directions. You can offer suggestions, but don't give instructions.

I wonder, all day. I think, all day. I sing, all day. I miss people, all day. I live, all day.

Resolution '09

- Try in school.

- See things from other's perspective.

- Spend less.

- Stay fit/healthy.

- Less fights.

- Be understanding.

- Try to be kinder.

- Good > Bad.

- Forgive.